How To Deal With Your Teen ‘Coming Out’ To You

What If…?

What happens if your teenager ‘comes out’ to you as oriented to same sex or being bi-sexual? Shock, denial and anger is likely to be the instant response as a parent. If not resolved, the estrangement sets in between you and the teenager. So how do you deal with this? It may not be easy but needs to be done anyway. Read on to know the empathic ways of dealing with your teenager ‘coming out’ to you.

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What Leads To Alternate Sexualities?

Growth and development are part of human lifespan. It is both biological and psychological. Mind and body are closely enmeshed together. Sexual drive is a significant component of this. It is an expression of certain basic needs of a person. Societal norms expect all to be following similar gender orientations or sexual preferences. Rules and laws have been laid down for ensuring that. But the dissonance happens and your teenager may be breaking this so-called norm of being ‘straight’. What can be a reason for this?

Clarity lacks on the question whether one’s sexuality is the result of genes or hormones; childhood experiences or parenting. Cultural factors have also been considered as a likelihood for a person’s sexual preference. The debate goes on.

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What Should Parents Do?

What do you do if your teenager ‘comes out’? What are the best means to handle this unexpected (“it happens in other families only”) and life-altering occurrence? Given below are the tips to use when your teenager ‘comes out’ to you.

• First thing to remember is that it is YOUR child sharing their extremely personal being with you
• Sit them down and hear attentively
• Understand what your teen is trying to tell you
• Do not ridicule or shame your teenager
• Remember that each human being is unique despite shared DNAs
• Appreciate your teens courage in speaking up about their feelings
• Absorb the information and deal with fortitude
• Create a supportive and safe space for your teen
• Stand-up for them and help them from being bullied or mistreated
• Get to know your teen’s friends
• Be vigilant to any signs of distress, low self-esteem, withdrawl or self-harm
• Read up or meet with people working in the field of LGBTQ to learn and deepen your understanding about sexual identity/orientation

Let your teenager know that you are there with and for them. Be accepting and supportive of their identity.

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It is not easy to ‘come out’ for a person and more so a teenager who is still at the threshold of young adulthood. It is a journey filled with anxieties, fearfulness and acknowledgement of self. Let your teenager know that you are there with and for them. Be accepting and supportive of their identity. Being your child, the option is yours- to be estranged or engaged with your teenager. Family bonds can be shaken but not broken if handled with wisdom and maturity. Let the nurturance continue with love and positivity for a harmonious relationship.

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Dr. Sanjana Seth is a Psychologist and Psychotherapist, registered with RCI, and holds more than two decades of practising experience with the healthcare organisations of the Armed Forces, as well as those operating as private. She is skilled in administering psychological assessments, providing therapeutic intervention and psychoeducation via talks, lectures, workshops, and literary articles. She has worked extensively for children with special needs, and has taught Psychology to students at undergraduate and postgraduate levels.