How Can Parents Encourage Their Children To Respect Gender Differences?

Are boys and girl babies the same at birth or inherently different? Do we parents just raise them differently from the very start due to our own personal biases, preferences and inherent discomfort? How and when do things become different? When is it uncomfortable? What is the discomfort? How do we talk about it to our children?

In today's gender sensitive and diverse world, it is essential to raise children who are aware of and respect each other's differences and yet maintain age appropriate healthy boundaries. Parents influence a child’s gender development right from birth - be it choosing specific colours for boys and girls, (blues and pinks – cribs, clothes, nappies and bibs) or encouraging different behaviours and activities in sons and daughters (curfew cut-off time, partying age and time extensions, sleepovers), playing with different toys (barbies and guns), and also role modelling the same very often!

A parents role is non-negotiable in sensitising and promoting gender differences, acceptance and equality amongst both boys and girls. Usage of age appropriate language, fostering open and honest communication helps create a safe, inclusive and a healthy environment for children to learn, understand, explore and appreciate gender differences.

Tips for Parents to Address Gender Differences:

Parents Comfort with their own Sexuality

Parents need to be comfortable with their own sexuality to have sensible conversations with their children. To help the little minds understand and appreciate the bodily differences and not shy away from asking any questions that their curious minds might have is a skill. Parents are powerful role models and children are quick to sense their ease and discomfort on such topics.

Lead by Example

As parents, demonstrate respect for diverse perspectives, treat people with compassion, kindness, understanding and show empathy towards others. Children learn from what they see rather than what they are told, so embodying inclusive values and respect for the opposite gender sets the foundation for their attitudes and many adult behaviours.

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Using Age-Appropriate Language

Early Childhood (Ages 3-6)

Conversations need to be simple and brief. Introduce the concept of differences in a positive light. Discuss the anatomy being different and embrace how boys and girls may have different preferences for toys or activities, and yet all choices are valid and deserve respect. Get them to name the genitals with ease just like the other body parts. Talk to them about its function age-appropriately and why we should respect it. Teach them ‘safe touch’ and ‘unsafe touch’.

Elementary School (Ages 7-11)

As children grow older, the differences between the genders is most evident on the playground. Boys play more structured, aggressive games while the girls jump rope and play hopscotch. Engage in more detailed discussions about gender roles and societal expectations and for them to respect their own bodies and maintain healthy boundaries with the opposite gender. Self-exploration might happen here and we need to be there for them. Illustrate examples of gender inequality and explain the importance of treating everyone with fairness and respect.

Pre-Adolescence (Ages 12-14)

Teens are curious about their growing bodies now. Budding breasts, onset of menstruation for girls and boys develop secondary sex characteristics. They are confused and want to explore relationships. Gender dynamics come into play and many are confused with their own sexuality. Puberty and the process of growth, development and maturation is tough on the teen. They are stressed out maintaining interpersonal relationships with family, friends and developing romantic relationships. Open conversations about their feelings, emotions, helps ease the pressures they may experience.

Teenagers (Ages 15-18)

Engage teenagers in discussions about gender equality, stereotypes, personal safety, self-pleasure and the importance of consent in relationships. Encourage critical thinking about media representations and societal norms that perpetuate harmful gender biases.

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Create a Safe Space for Communication

Create a safe space where children feel comfortable asking questions and expressing their thoughts, knowing that they will not be scrutinised and judged. Open discussions will enable them to explore these topics freely.

Teach Empathy

Teach children to put themselves in others' shoes, empathise with their experiences, and appreciate the diversity that exists in the world. Empathy is crucial in understanding and respecting others' differences.

Engage in Role-Playing

Role-playing scenarios help children practise empathy and problem-solving skills. Create situations where children experience different perspectives and learn how to handle diverse situations respectfully.

Avoid Gender Stereotyping

Do not limit children based on societal norms. Be mindful of the language, phrases and actions that perpetuate gender stereotypes. ‘Boys don’t cry’, ‘Only weak people ask for help’, ‘Don’t behave like a girl’…

Encourage Healthy Friendships

Promote friendships between boys and girls from an early age. Encourage playdates, group activities, combined sports and coeducation as it fosters positive interactions and camaraderie between both genders.

Teach them the Importance of Consent

Teach your children the significance of respecting personal boundaries and obtaining consent in all interactions, regardless of gender.

Monitor Media Consumption

Monitor media content that your children are exposed to and stay approachable to discuss any problematic representations or messages. Help them navigate media influences and develop a critical eye.

Introduce Children to Books and Media

Books, TV shows, and movies that depict diverse characters and challenge gender stereotypes help break the glass ceiling for young minds. Engage in friendly discussions about the characters and promote their critical thinking.

Celebrate Diversity

Celebrate diversity and participate in different events, to teach children about various customs, traditions, and values as this helps to get them to appreciate the variety, creativity and uniqueness of people different from us.

Address Challenging Situations

If children encounter instances of gender bias or discrimination, or you find playboy magazines or porn sites having been visited online, talk to your child and address this. Do not push it under the carpet. Guide them with appropriate responses and encourage them on acceptable and unacceptable behaviours.

Parenting is a Team Sport

When discussing gender equality, involve both parents to present a united front. Children learn best when they observe consistent attitudes and comfortable behaviours from both parents. You cannot believe in something else and preach something different to your children as values are often caught than taught!

While discrepancies between boys and girls may be inborn, parenting makes a huge difference. Studies and research proves that children who do not receive proper emotional support experience mental and emotional developmental problems. Parents play a pivotal role in sensitising boys and girls to each other's differences and further promoting a healthy sense of diversity. Leading by example, creating a safe space for communication, and using age-appropriate language and response, parents can instil inclusive values and empathy in their children thereby contributing to a more inclusive and equitable society for the next generation.

The author is a consultant counsellor; corporate trainer; and columnist with a leading English newspaper. With more than fifteen years of experience in the field, Nandini is a guest faculty at many prestigious schools, colleges and training institutions. She is a hands-on parent to two teenagers. Nandini can be reached at www.iamfine.in

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