Exam Time: How To Best Support Your Child

Amayerah, a 14-year-old girl was tense, as her final year exams were approaching. The thought “What if I fail” was making it difficult for her to study. She was also not able to concentrate as the slightest sounds, like that of a clock ticking, would distract her.

On hearing that her closest friend, Viya completed the entire syllabus, Amayerah felt more nervous and restless. “My friends will laugh at me if I do not score well, I will disappoint my parents”, she thought and stayed awake the entire night. Next morning, Amayerah sat quietly at the dining table nibbling her food. Her parents embraced her and said, “Your grades will not change our love for you, dear”. Teary-eyed Amayerah sighed in relief and professed, “I can do it!”.

Thousands of children, like Ameyrah, struggle during exam time due to stress and anxiety. Anxiety occurs when a person worries excessively, and feels apprehensive about a real or imagined future event. It is a common feeling that students often go through during exams.

Behavioural concerns like irritability and aggression may also increase in children during exams. These issues can be a manifestation of their boggled emotional world. Children are sometimes unable to verbalise their stress, which makes it difficult for adults to identify or understand their issues. As caregivers, we should try and identify the signs of stress in children and offer them the support they require. Let us take you through a few ways.

Recognising Causes And Signs Of Exam Stress

Exam stress may manifest in different ways in children. Some of them are as follows:

• In middle-childhood years (ages 6-12), fidgeting or biting nails, avoiding school, complaining of aches before exams, vomiting, throwing temper tantrums can be distress signals. Teenagers, on the other hand, can appear moody and may show irritability or sadness. Changes in sleep patterns and appetite may be visible.
• Children with perfectionist traits, such as those who strive for a perfect score every time, or are overly self-critical, are more likely to experience exam anxiety. Since it's hard for them to accept their mistakes, the pressure further magnifies.
• In families where parents/caregivers impose expectations related to exams and results on their children, the latter are more vulnerable to experiencing exam stress and anxiety.

Give Your Child The Support They Need

Helping Your Child With Studies And Routine

• Help your child identify a study spot that is well lit, clean, and ventilated. Encourage them to use a study table rather than a couch or a bed, since the former may up their concentration.
• Help them chunk their study targets, for instance, 20 questions could be divided into 4 sets of 5 questions each. This will make the task look attainable and realistic.
• Ensure that your child’s study schedule includes frequent breaks. Our optimal attention span ranges only between 20-45 minutes. Therefore, taking a 15- minute break after every 1-1.5 hours can increase productivity.
• Encourage them to use gadgets only when absolutely necessary while studying.
• Take care of your child’s diet and number of sleeping hours. Replacing high sodium and sugar foods with fibrous fruits and vegetables can keep kids energised throughout the day.
• Encourage your child to engage in light physical activity everyday, even if it is for 15-20 minutes. It could be cycling, walking, dancing, or anything that they enjoy doing. Exercise helps release endorphins, which are ‘happy hormones’, and reduces the stress hormone cortisol, thereby helping one to feel more relaxed.

Supporting Your Child Emotionally

• Remove the conditions of worth, if you may have imposed any, which compel children to believe that they must fulfil certain conditions in order to be loved by somebody. Do not let your child develop the idea that their worth is dependent on how well they do in exams. Show your child that your love and support for them are unconditional.
• Normalise exams and talk about them like they are a part and parcel of life, rather than larger-than-life events. Avoid bringing about any major changes in household routines during exams, unless absolutely needed.
• Teach children to accept success and failure alike. Discuss how failures are great teachers and opportunities for us to identify and work upon our shortcomings.
• Ensure that you do not compare your child to other children and that your child doesn’t compare themselves to others. Assure your child that if at all they have to compete, it has to be with themselves, and not with anyone else.

Have you ever wondered why every student gets different results when the teacher, teaching pedagogies, and the curriculum are the same for everyone in a particular group (school, class, etc.)? Individual differences in terms of learning styles, level of motivation, cognitive abilities, and family environment, contribute to these differences. Hence, it is unfair on the child to be imposed expectations or comparisons on. Lastly, being a parent can be consuming at times, therefore addressing your own apprehensions and taking care of yourself is indispensable. Only a happy you can raise a happy child.

Nilisha Aggarwal is a Child and Adolescent Psychologist, registered with the Rehabilitation Council of India. She holds extensive, hands-on experience in administering psychological assessments and treating mental health issues among children and adolescents, and is a certified Career Analyst and Psychotherapist. She is Founder, Inside Out Mental Health Clinic.