How Should Parents Respond If Teachers Often Complain About Your Child?

‘It is the teacher that makes a difference, not the classroom.’ This is absolutely true and yes as much as a nurturing, kind, encouraging, affectionate, teacher shapes, hones, and positively influences a child’s life. However, a teacher who is unkind and frequently picks and complains about a particular child, ends up affecting the student in the wrong way for a lifetime. This is irrespective of it being intentional or not from the teacher’s point of view. Many teachers and parents as well believe that they need to be strict but being so does not mean being rude, unapproachable, and nagging the child in order to motivate them to do better. This is not helpful at all.

When a teacher frequently complains about a child's behaviour or academic performance at school, it can be quite worrisome and challenging for the parents to navigate. As parents, our role is to provide the best support (physical comfort, a safe home, emotional and psychological support and financial aid) to our children and ensure that they thrive in their educational journey. And hence it is absolutely essential that we are completely aware and understand their struggles with empathy and open communication. In this article, find some effective strategies for parents to address teacher complaints constructively and work in collaboration with them to help promote positive changes in your child to foster a healthy school experience.

Understand the Gap between the Stakeholders

When teachers have something to say about your child, hear them out and look at them as an accomplice rather than a conspirator. Ask for relevant information and details about their complaint – the performance and behaviour of the child and refrain from attacking back.

Process the information and choose to respond rather than react and ask for time to get back to them. Before ‘the’ conversation with the child, observe and seek evidence for the allegations and the insinuations and collect the right evidence. It is not wrong to ask for it. Look at their actions at home, study habits, scores, deliverables at school, social behaviour and check-in with their friends without making it obvious. (This is an art that needs to be learnt.) This will help you understand the context and help identify potential triggers that might be contributing to the complaints and the misbehaviour at school.

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Use Open Communication (Active Listening) and Clarify

Maintain open communication with your child and his educators. First hear what the child has to say in his defence without interruptions, assumptions, accusations and jumping the gun. Be patient and give them a complete listen to express themselves freely. Avoid anything talk or expressions that may seem like you are judging them.

Then arrange a meeting with the teachers to discuss your observations and learnings and showcase the child’s concerns. Express their issues, state facts and frustrations and their narrative.

This will help create a supportive atmosphere to enable constructive discussions at school between the teacher and the child.

Also Read: Insights Into A Teenager's Mind - For Parents To Know

Empower Your Child – Be Their Anchor

As a parent, it is crucial to empower your child. Teach them to be honest and to own up to their mistakes by taking responsibility for their actions, deeds and decisions. Showcase integrity as a parent and they will follow suit. Engage in regular conversations and check-ins with your child about their school experiences and address any concerns (academic or non-academic) that they may have. Encourage them to communicate openly with you and their teachers thereby fostering a sense of accountability and ownership over their education. Teach them that they will need to step-up and deal with people like this in life and whilst you can help them now, you might not always be there with them to intervene, in their adult life.

Collaborate with Teachers

Our children spend their best waking hours with their teachers and peers at school and so we need to learn the art of collaboration between parents and teachers to ensure the best possible outcome for the child. Work together with them on problem areas and more importantly problem resolutions to help your child become confident and feel good and positive.

This helps the teacher to suggest behavioural strategies, set specific academic goals, provide extra support where necessary and also steer clear the child from time stealers and negative influences at school. Keep the lines of communication open, regularly checking in with teachers to monitor progress and make required adjustments as needed.

Establish Consistent Routines and Encourage
Extracurricular Activities

A stable and consistent routine with articulated realistic expectations can positively impact a child's behaviour and academic performance. Work with your child to create a schedule that includes designated study time, recreational activities, and sufficient rest. Consistency provides a sense of security and predictability, reducing stress and improving overall well-being. Motivate your child to participate in sports, arts, or other hobbies that interest them as these provide an outlet for their excessive energy, fosters positive relationships with peers and boosts their self- confidence.

Monitor Screen Time and Gadget Usage

Irrespective of our continued struggle with children (and adults) at home post the pandemic on Tech usage (bordering on addiction in many homes), monitor screen time. Walk the talk as a parent first and take responsibility to showcase positive role-modelling.

Excessive screen time and unregulated technology usage impacts the child's attention span, sleep patterns, and overall behaviour. Set reasonable limits on screen time and ensure that the content they engage with is age appropriate. Encourage outdoor activities and promote face-to-face interactions with friends and family. Make time to be an active part of their lives!

Seek Professional Guidance and Support

If persistent complaints from teachers at school suggest underlying issues (academic or behavioural) that require professional assessment or intervention, do not hesitate to seek advice from a professional. It is perhaps the best thing that you can do for your child. Early intervention is always most powerful. Seek advice from a professional counsellor, psychologist, child psychiatrist or paediatrician. They will be able to help and support the child with learning disabilities, ADHD, ADD, ODD, emotional challenges, developmental issues or whatever it is that continues to contribute to their difficulties at school.

Addressing frequent complaints from teachers about your child at school requires a lot of patience, collaboration and an empathetic approach. Open communication, active listening, and a commitment to working together with the school and the teachers can pave the way for positive changes in your child's school life. As parents, empower and support your child through challenges, ensuring they feel loved and valued in their educational journey. Take proactive steps and seek professional guidance when needed.

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