Self-Compassion In Teenagers : How Parents Can Help Foster It

Teenagers can often be hard on themselves and many a time feel guilty of their own struggles, difficulties, and challenges and feel that they deserve all the negative emotions, thereby further engaging in unhealthy coping mechanisms to redeem themselves of the physical, psychological, emotional pain and the suffering that they experience.

It is important to acknowledge that difficulties are a part and a parcel of life and no one is devoid of them. Everyone makes mistakes and goes through tough times but tough times don’t last, tough people do. Self-compassion builds self-esteem, makes one feel confident, happier and resilient over time.

What Is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is the art and the skill of being kind to yourself even when things don’t happen and go the way you expect them to. It is being aware of your feelings, being empathetic to your own self and treating yourself with the same love, care, warmth, concern and understanding that you would give a loved one.

Also Read | 5 Tips To Offer A Meaningful Apology

Young teens can become self-conscious and care excessively about "people’s opinion" of them, compare themselves to others, and might even experience shame and embarrassment. However, they need to know that all is not lost and they can always have another go at life. It is crucial for teenagers to develop self-compassion since failing to address harmful behaviors in a healthy manner now, may lead to the perpetuation of such patterns into adulthood, resulting in the normalisation of negative behaviors.

Why Is Self-Compassion Important?

Here are a few lessons we can learn from being kind to ourselves –

• Being content with our own selves and accept our limitations
• Taking responsibility for our actions
• Having the confidence and courage to give things a second shot
• Building resilience
• Cultivating robust mental health to become emotionally well-balanced individuals and citizen

Prevents Mental Health Issues | Only when self-compassion is established strongly and firmly in childhood does it provide a young adolescent the ammunition to protect themselves against mental health disorders like anxiety and depression, which have today become so common for this age group.

Less Likelihood Of Harmful Behaviours | These preteens and teens are then at a much lower risk to engage in disruptive destructive behaviours of using unhealthy coping mechanisms to cope with their growing demands of life. They are also less likely to engage in substance abuse, self-harm, or even have unhealthy relationships with themselves, their food, and others.

Also Read | 5 Helpful Tips To Resolve A Fallout with Your Friend

How Should Parents Help?

Here are a few ways parents can help their teens learn self-compassion –

Teaching Kindness | Teach your kids kindness by being friendly, helpful, and considerate towards them and others.

Love And Acceptance | Make them feel secure, loved, accepted, and wanted no matter whatever is going on in their lives.

Spend Time | Spending with your child doing things that they enjoy. It sends a simple message – "I like spending time with you and you are important to me."

Empathy And Emotional Support | Notice your child's feelings and help them identify and articulate the same.

Positive Self-Talk | Discourage critical, bitter, harsh self-talk and encourage them to look at themselves and their situation with some empathy.

Gratitude | Work on a gratitude exercise everyday at dinner, every family member shares one thing that they are truly grateful for that day.

Active Listening | Active listening helps validate their feelings and so be available when they want to talk to you, not when you want to speak to them.

Before your tween is ready to fly out of the nest and spread their wings, parents and caregivers must ensure that their unconditional self-worth is intact and positive.

Also Read | Teenage Relationships: Tips To Help Your Teenager Deal With A Breakup

Practise Forgiveness | It is okay for teens to make mistakes. Remind them that they need to keep you in the loop of things and only then can you bail them out of certain situations.

Appreciate Them | Praise your kids when you see them showing compassion to themselves. Most of this is something that they pick from us adults, by watching us live our lives challenges, deal with our failures and fix our mistakes.

Encouraging Volunteering | As a parent and caregiver, it is important to give your child opportunities to volunteer and get to know themselves by getting out of their comfort zones. Not everyone will cheer them on but this is how they prepare for the world that awaits them.

Identify Their Emotions | Notice when your child is sad, disappointed, low, angry, frustrated, and upset because something has not turned out the way they expected. Identify their feelings and the emotions and get them to practise self-compassion.

Normalising Challenges And Mistakes | It is okay to make mistakes, to lose a few, take things hard once in a while, be angry, sad, upset, but it is not okay to be hard on oneself and lose one's sense of being. Do not allow your children to run down their self-esteem and confidence.

Encourage Acts Of Self-Compassion | Saying positive, reassuring things to yourself is a key part in building self-compassion. It helps them feel better and know that they need to move beyond what they feel at the moment and that ‘this too shall pass.’

Also Read | 5 Ways Empathy Helps Build Stronger Relationships

Before your tween is ready to fly out of the nest and spread their wings, parents and caregivers must ensure that their unconditional self-worth stays intact and is positive. It is nothing but the sense to know and believe that you deserve to be alive, be loved and cared for. They should be able to love and accept themselves for who they are and experience freedom from guilt whilst being self-forgiving.

Nandini Raman is a Consultant Counselor; Corporate Trainer; and Columnist with a leading English newspaper. She contributes to a successful weekly column on career guidance and choices. With more than fifteen years of experience in the field, Nandini is a guest faculty at many prestigious schools, colleges and training institutions. She is a hands-on parent to two teenagers. Nandini can be reached at www.iamfine.in