Boarding School: Red Flags To Watchout For Should Your Child Begin To Distance Themselves

Moving to a boarding school is a significant milestone that comes with many transitions for the entire family. As parents it is important and crucial to be vigilant and notice signs and symptoms when the child begins to distance himself, seems preoccupied, starts alienating, zoning out of active communication, drops grades etc.. It is critical to pay complete attention to all possible red flags that may indicate potential issues. There can be physical, emotional, psychological, or sexual abuse red flags to watch out for and here are some suggested remedies for the same:

Signs To Look Out For

Sudden Changes in Behaviour and Mood: If your child experiences abrupt shifts in behaviour, becoming withdrawn, irritable, anxious, or displaying extreme mood swings, it may be indicative of emotional distress.

Remedy: Talk to them, encourage open communication to understand their issues, feelings and concerns and offer a safe and a non-judgmental space to them to express themselves.

Frequent Illnesses or Unexplained Health Issues: Consistent or recurrent health issues like stomach trouble, headaches, lack of sleep, aches and pains, unexplained weight loss, or signs of neglect such as poor hygiene or inadequate nutrition, can be indicators of neglect or emotional distress.

Remedy: Regularly communicate with the school and the boarding facility regarding your child's health, specific concerns, schedule medical check-ups, and address all concerns promptly.

Steady or Drastic decline in Academic Performance: If your child's academic performance systematically starts to deteriorate without any clear reasons, it may be a sign of emotional or psychological distress.

Remedy: Engage with the school and teachers to understand the underlying causes and work collaboratively to develop strategies for academic support and emotional well-being.

Unexplained Physical Injuries or Marks: Noticeable signs of physical abuse, such as bruises, scratches, or unexplained injuries that your child cannot explain or that are inconsistent with their explanations, should absolutely raise concerns.

Remedy: Take immediate action by documenting the injuries, addressing the situation with the school authorities, and seeking medical attention if necessary. Ensure your child's safety and well-being is prioritised.

Drastic Changes in Weight or Eating Habits: Significant weight loss, sudden changes in eating patterns (overeating or undereating), or obsessive thoughts about food is indicative of an unhealthy relationship with food or potential eating disorders.

Remedy: Speak to your child and seek professional help from a counsellor or therapist specialising in eating disorders.

Isolation and Social Withdrawal: If your child constantly avoids social interactions, has difficulty making friends, or experiences social exclusion, or mostly spends time alone it may be an indication of bullying, feelings of loneliness or social anxiety or emotional abuse.

Remedy: Encourage your child to participate in extracurricular activities, clubs, or sports and group activities that align with their interests and provide opportunities to build social connections. Establish open lines of communication to address any concerns they may have regarding their social interactions and consider seeking counselling if needed.

Loss of Interest in Previously Enjoyed Activities: If your child suddenly loses enthusiasm for activities they used to enjoy, it may indicate a lack of engagement or emotional distress.

Remedy: Encourage them to explore new activities or find ways to reignite their interest in previous hobbies.

Regressive Behaviour or Developmental Delays: If your child exhibits regressive behaviour, such as bedwetting, thumb-sucking, or displays developmental delays that were not present previously, it could be a response to trauma or emotional distress.

Remedy: Consult with professionals such as paediatricians, psychologists, or counsellors to assess the situation and provide appropriate support.

Fear or Avoidance of Specific Individuals and Places: If your child shows fear of or wants to avoid certain individuals, staff members, or particular locations on campus, it might be a red flag for potential abuse.

Remedy: Take their concerns seriously and investigate further by talking to your child, the school authorities, or other relevant parties to ascertain the reasons behind their fear or avoidance.

Inappropriate Sexual Knowledge or Behaviour: If your child displays knowledge or engages in sexual behaviour beyond what is age-appropriate, it may indicate exposure to inappropriate content or potential sexual abuse.

Remedy: Approach the situation with sensitivity and seek professional assistance from experts specialising in child abuse or trauma. Report any concerns to the appropriate authorities to ensure the safety and well-being of your child. Also be fluent with POCSO laws, freely available online and educate your child as well.

Encourage your child to take responsibility for themselves and their well-being in a boarding school. This can empower them to protect themselves and seek help when needed. Ensure to promote their self-responsibility. It is important as parents to establish a collaborative and supportive relationship with the boarding school staff, including teachers, counsellors, and administrators. Regularly communicate with them, participate in parent-teacher meetings, and stay informed about your child's well-being and progress.

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How Should You Encourage Your Child

Teach Personal Boundaries and Consent: Educate your child about personal boundaries, both physical and emotional, and the importance of respecting others' boundaries. Teach them about consent and help them understand what is appropriate and inappropriate behaviour.

Foster Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence: Encourage your child's self-esteem by emphasising their strengths and accomplishments. Provide positive reinforcement and support their personal growth and autonomy. Help them recognize their own worth and believe in their abilities.

Develop Assertiveness and Healthy Communication Skills: Help your child build assertiveness skills to express their needs, wants, and concerns effectively. Teach them how to communicate assertively, clearly, and confidently, enabling them to advocate for themselves in various situations.

Establish Trust and Open Communication: Build a trusting relationship with your child based on open communication and active listening. Assure them that they can approach you with any concerns, questions, or problems they may encounter, without fear of judgement or punishment.

Promote Self-Care and Emotional Well-being: Teach your child about self-care practices, such as maintaining a healthy lifestyle, practising relaxation techniques, engaging in activities they enjoy and using this experience to learn life-skills. Encourage them to identify and express their emotions, helping them develop emotional resilience and coping mechanisms.

Educate Them on Online and Cyber Safety: In today's digital age, it is essential to educate your child about online safety and responsible internet use. Teach them about the potential risks, privacy settings, and the importance of not sharing personal information with strangers online.

Develop Problem-Solving and Decision-Making Skills: Encourage your child to develop critical thinking, problem-solving, and decision-making skills. Guide them in assessing situations, considering alternatives, and making informed choices.

Regularly Review and Update Safety Protocols: Stay informed about the boarding school's safety protocols and policies, including those related to child protection. Advocate for transparent reporting mechanisms and ensure that all staff members are properly trained to identify and address potential abuse.

If you suspect any form of abuse, promptly report your concerns with the appropriate authorities, such as the school administration and management, child protection agencies, or the police, depending on the severity of the situation. Always prioritise your child's safety and well-being above all else.

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The author is a consultant counsellor; corporate trainer; and a columnist. She contributes to a successful weekly column on career guidance and choices. With more than 15 years of experience in the field, Nandini is a guest faculty at many prestigious schools, colleges and training institutions. She is a hands-on parent to two teenagers. Nandini can be reached at www.iamfine.in