Parental Separation: Co-Parenting Your Child With Your Separated Partner

What Is Co-Parenting?

Co-parenting implies a jointmanship to ensure a healthy environment for your child’s upbringing. It entails cooperation between your partner and you along with an ongoing contribution towards your child’s educational, emotional, social, medical needs etc.

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How Should You Co-Parent?

What are some of the things you should take care of if you’re co-parenting your child with your separated partner? Here are a few:-

Prioritise Your Child | Separation of two most trusted adults in their life can be tumultuous for children. The family upheavel disturbs the day-to-day life of your child and you need to prioritise its stability.

Establish Boundaries | This is important as it gives you clarity on role demarcations. Do not infringe or try to control your separated partner’s movements or personal space. The boundaries are to be understood between both of you.

Schedule | Scheduling of activities and tasks to be done is important. With both you and your ex-partner working (as is the trend these days), a schedule sets the ground for a planned routine. It does not leave anything to chance or doubts, rather enforces a commitment from both of you as parents.

Agreeability | This is imperative in co-parenting as a constant bickering over the responsibilities takes a toll on your well-being. Any kind of conflict and toxicity between you and your separated partner is going to impact the child’s upbringing. Hence agreeableness and flexibility to compromise becomes crucial for a productive co-parenting.

Communication | Direct and clear communication is important for the process of co-parenting. A good communication leaves no scope for presumptions and assumptions for either you or your ex-partner.

Decision Making | Co-parenting needs unanimous decision making. Avoid being authoritarian and dictatorial in enforcing your will upon your partner. Follow a middle-path considering pros and cons of decisions to be made regarding your child.

Co-parenting Requires Unanimous Decision Regarding Your Child

Set Meetings | Visitation and meetings need to be set. Frequency and duration of such times to be spent with your child will have to be decided based on your individual schedules, residency, etc.

Balance Finances | A balance of finances is required for fulfilling the co-parenting responsibilities. Over-indulgence, penny pinching or cutting corners is not going to be of any help to healthy co-parenting.

No Bad- Mouthing | Refrain from bad-mouthing each other as it can cause insecurity and emotional vulnerability in your child. Pushing the child to take sides will impact the bonding between your child and the co-parent.

Plan Celebrations | Celebrating together on special events builds a secure family feeling in your child. Birthdays, festivals, graduation take on a different meaning altogether for your child when both the parents attend it.

Take Help | Seek help from a counsellor in resolving conflicts and obstructions in your co-parenting. Do not hesitate to reach out for professional advice and guidance since separation co-parenting can be tough.

Seek Support | Have a support system of family and friends that is unconditional and trustworthy. A backup plan and reliable support like this is invaluable while co-parenting your child with a separated partner.

Take Me-Time | Ensure some ‘me time’ for you as co-parenting and separation can be overwhelming. Do not hesitate or feel guilty at pursuing your interests as 24/7 parenting vigilance is not a healthy choice.

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Co-parenting as separated partners calls for considerable effort and diligence. It can be a challenging process but needs to be undertaken with fortitude nevertheless. An ecosystem of safety, growth and love needs to be provided by you and your separated partner at any cost for your child. Bitterness, acrimony or blame game is to be avoided for the way forward for all the stakeholders. The child needs you both.

Dr. Sanjana Seth is a Psychologist and Psychotherapist, registered with RCI, and holds more than two decades of practising experience with the healthcare organisations of the Armed Forces, as well as those operating as private. She is skilled in administering psychological assessments, providing therapeutic intervention and psychoeducation via talks, lectures, workshops, and literary articles. She has worked extensively for children with special needs, and has taught Psychology to students at undergraduate and postgraduate levels.